RHOBH Pink Wine Recap: The Beverly Hills B**ches are again!

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RHOBH Pink Wine Recap: The Beverly Hills B**ches are again!
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast members
Sutton Stracke tries to do the mathematics on the RHOBH Season 12 premiere, The Break-In, however the math ain’t mathin’. Pic credit score: Bravo

Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Lengthy recaps The Actual Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 12, Episode 1, Premiere, The Break-In, with slightly assist from a glass of Rose (or two) …

Greetings my Housewives-Lovers! And welcome to your weekly recap of The Actual Housewives of Beverly Hills, the place we drink to dramatic dinners, critique ugly leather-based pants, and silently decide nearly everyone’s intentions. Okay, possibly not so silently.

Tonight’s episode was titled “The Break-In” and it appears to be like like Bravo is simply going to go forward and begin issues out with a bang – possibly that was a foul alternative of phrases and severely no unhealthy pun meant.

As everyone knows, Dorit was held at gunpoint a day earlier than taking pictures (crikey!) the premiere. Two males robbed her whereas she was dwelling alone together with her kids.

And now, with the premiere, we get to see all of it play out on display. Properly, no less than we get to see the women react to it. And should you’re Mauricio, or “Mo” as we prefer to name him, you simply drink wine and eat cheese and look confused and/or stunned.

Talking of wine, pour me a few of that vino, Mauricio good chap, and let’s recap!

Dorit’s Theft: Video reveals footage of the break-in

Bravo began out the episode with grey and white footage of the 2 males in hoodies coming into Dorit’s dwelling and shattering the glass of a door. (Dorit later revealed on WWHL that her alarm was turned off as a result of her kids generally go downstairs and it units it off.)

robbers enter Dorit's house
Robbers enter RHOBH star Dorit Kemsley’s home. Pic credit score: Bravo

We hear a voice-over from Dorit, recounting the occasions and begging for her and her infants’ lives. We then see the person depart with a bedsheet full of products and leaving Dorit’s cellular phone by the gate, which he apparently informed her he would do.

And now with the precise theft portion over inside the first quarter-hour of the premiere, we’re left to marvel how precisely this can be Dorit’s main storyline of the season.

We’ll get to Sutton’s outstanding response in a minute. First, let’s verify in with the women to see who’s cliqued up with who.

Erika Jayne is having the intercourse y’all!

Erika Jayne
Erika Jayne muses with pal Lisa Rinna on the RHOBH premiere episode. Pic credit score: Bravo

After seeing the house invasion, we’re taken again 3 weeks to atone for who’s pals with who.

We be taught that Garcelle and Sutton are nonetheless besties and now dwelling up the only life collectively. Woo-hoo! Love this duo.

And we see that Rinna and Erika are collectively – within the “different camp” let’s say.

However there’s a widespread bond tying all of them collectively… apart from Rinna, the remaining three are single and able to mingle!

Properly, until you’re Erika… in that case, she simply desires to have actually good intercourse with good folks and in addition intercourse with some not-good folks.

Rinna factors out that intercourse is one thing new for Erika. And although that sounds oddly humorous, I spotted it’s also oddly true. I imply, she wasn’t precisely lively with Tom… so…

After which we now have Garcelle, who suggests she and Sutton tag staff somebody collectively.

Sutton “reacts” to Dorit’s dwelling invasion

Whereas we’re with reference to these two teams, we’re invited into a little WWHL snippet the place Sutton talked some smack about Rinna, saying she invited Rinna and Harry to an Elton John charity occasion and Sutton didn’t obtain a thanks. (Gasp!)

Sutton ended up saying this slip-of-the-tongue was a no-no, however it units the stage for what I can solely presume is a set-up for extra drama.

However who wants contrived drama when we now have our Southern Queen telling Kyle she’s had a attempting day, much like Dorit’s.

SUTTON: I’ve been placing out fires all day as we speak too.

KYLE: What fires?

SUTTON: Properly I’ve bought this French designer attempting to return in and immigration and all that… I imply I wasn’t held at gunpoint or something like that, however nonetheless.

Potatoes Po-tah-toes. It’s all relative.

Now, whether or not you like Sutton or like to hate her… maybe you discovered this second humorous. Or maybe not.

However, I’ll simply depart this Tweet proper right here.

Sutton is coming with it, and I gotta admit – I’m right here for it.

And when she’s not speaking about French designer issues, she’s low-key shading Erika throughout her confessionals!

It’s clear that Sutton received’t overlook the best way Erika threatened her final season (do the phrases “OR WHAT?!” ring a bell?), regardless of Kyle’s crocodile tears for everybody.

And in case you had been questioning if Erika has dropped that thug life persona for Season 12, I bought information for ya. She hasn’t.

Erika maintains that there are many information articles on the market discussing her innocence, however nobody chooses to speak about these.

She proceeds to belittle the producers throughout her confessional, telling them to go discover the tales as a result of she doesn’t have time for it.

What’s extra, “Thug Life Girardi” tells Garcelle on this odd tone about Dorit’s robbery: “She was held at gunpoint, Garcelle.”

And, I’m sorry, however was she giving Elizabeth Holmes vibes in the intervening time the place she informed Garcelle that every one the details had been in her favor and that she didn’t contact any cash.

Is it simply me or has Erika simply stopped caring and gone full-out thug mode?

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills screenshots
NOT JUST YOU LIZ!! I’m traumatized. Pic credit score: Bravo

At Dorit’s de-briefing session with all the women at Kyle’s home, Mauricio is there trying stoned as ever, pouring the drinks and consuming the cheese [love ya Mo!].

PK arrives, has a young second crying for his Bubba, and we finish with PK and Dorit (who’s sporting her grey sweats however a Louie scrunchie) leaving Kyle’s home.

However wait! PK can’t discover his telephone! Dorit sits on the bench whereas Bubba goes in and appears and Dorit cries to herself and assures herself “she can be alright.” (And we’re glad you might be, Dorit. Severely, all compulsory snark apart.)

So let’s rapidly give out our Diamond Award of the evening and it goes to none apart from… DRUMROLL PLEASE!!…

Sutton Stracke
Congrats Sutton on receiving our first Diamond award of the season! Pic credit score: Bravo

Oh yeah, Crystal made an look. And shortly we can be launched to new Housewife Diana Jenkins! I’m trying ahead to her! Are you?

Within the meantime, I’m going to go discover Mo for some extra wine. Ohhhhhh Moooooooo!!!

‘Til subsequent week my Housewives-lovers!

The Actual Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.

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